Haircuts and close shaves
I am an immensely relieved man. I have just had a haircut. While I have been usually compared to unflattering things following a haircut (plucked chicken, large egg etc) I find it quite comforting to get rid of unruly strands. These strands absorb the sweat around the neck, forehead and ears when it is hot and humid and stay that way for a long while; they tickle the ears when it is dry and cold; small particles often seem to float into my nose when I am in need of a haircut giving me a bad cold; etc.

Thus, I am immensely pleased today. It is not an entirely painless exercise, though. It has cost me 25 pounds everytime since I've landed here, though I have now settled at one place where it costs 17 (allowing me to tip a further 1 pound if I feel like it). All of this is evidently a little bit too much for me, having lived my teenhood on Rs 8 haircuts (Rs 9 if you go to an airconditioned place) which gradually increased through college (Rs 10-12 along with a good dose of mosquito bites on your calves and smell of armpit) to old age (i.e. a year back - Rs 30 owing to Bangalore's high cost of living, at a non-airconditioned place next to a dug up road awaiting the completion of the great Kormangala drain for the last 4 years now). At the most extravagant, I paid Rs 60 once before placements in IIMC because I was under the misconception that the economic downturn could be countered with a good haircut (incidentally it was so far from campus that I had to pay a further Rs 100 on cab - which I duly shared with another gullible classmate - all of it was not in vain, though, for we discussed a great business plan for a Vada Pav chain on the cab).

So you can imagine my nervousness when I stepped into the "hairdressers" for the 25 pound haircut. First question - do you have a bath before you go to such a place? In India having a bath before a haircut is futile and indeed stupid. Nevertheless, I decided to have a bath (without a shave) and walked into this place. The routine started with an offer of coffee which I accepted, but struggled to catch a sip thereafter since it is incredibly difficult to bend over to your left and take a sip while someone is trying to snip off parts of your primeval covering - not to mention the threat of micro-strands falling into the cup and then scratching through your gullet. A mint shampoo was a part of the routine, too - but the most challenging part - I am coming to that only now - was answering the ultimate question - "so what would you like today?".

In India, my answer would usually be short and quick - "cut it small, not too small" - and the barber would immediately attack my head with ferocity and I would emerge in the end the same as I would have emerged had I said "cut it like Anil Kapoor". This answer was obviously too basic for a place like this - but I had no other answer! So I said the more abstruse "I would like something simple, very corporate" expecting to find an "ah of course, I know just what to do" kind of response, after all, I was going to pay 25 pounds - that was not to be. The interrogation went on for a further embarassing 5 minutes during which multiple suggestions were thrown at me as my coffee grew cold in the side. During the actual session, the interrogation continued, though on more personal things like "so what are you doing today" which is quite an uncomfortable question when in reality the only thing you have planned for the day is a typical Saturday in front of the TV with many cups of tea. And really, what do you care what I am doing today??!

You have, by now, predicted the turn of events, for sure, for the eventual outcome of all this jazz was a haircut identical to the one I would have got had I said "cut it like Anil Kapoor".

Egg, plucked chicken, "so you've had a haircut" and "your account has been debited GBP 25" were not quite the reactions I anticipated when I first stepped into this place. And when I was stepping out, a smiling lady asked me "so should I book your next appointment now?" - while I responded with a firm no then, i was back at this place 8 weeks later, going through exactly the same experience. And, umm ahh, I must admit, my exit folly was agreeing to buy a hair product which promised to make my hair fluffy for a further unmentionable amount - I religiously applied this white cream from an orange bottle till it ran out - but my hair didn't look much different from what it was when I used to apply Dabur Amla hairoil as a kid - though it certainly smelt better, I grant you that.

Now, of course, I have found a cheaper place, which still delivers the same results, the comments continue, but at least I can now afford a tip as well and walk home feeling good.
- posted by Rallix @ 1:58 AM