Good Pittance - Humans will not learn
"Slugs, bipeds, tripeds, arachnids, centipedes, millipedes, winged creatures, rodents, reptiles and fellow soulmates, we have gathered today, as always, to contemplate, ruminate, masticate and in some cases flatulate in our own respective capacities.

Many thanks to Comrade Centipedus Litmus, for his sparkling insights last week on affirmative action for the disabled - I was personally moved to tears with the tragic tale of our comrade's young cousin who lost 40 left feet and today lives in disbalanced misery.

Today's topic for discussion will be introduced by someone who himself has faced unfair competition in the archno-rat race since he lost 3 eyes in a fearsome battle in his youth (i.e. 3 days back), ladies and gentleslugs (and gentle-others), please welcome Comrade Spidey Zimmerman!"

Widespread applause was heard as Spidey made his way to the speaking arena, stumbling more than once - not because of his missing eyes, in fact his eyesight had actually improved since he lost his 3 eyes - his brain had to now coordinate a markedly lower number of eyes (5 as opposed to 8 for those who are unaware of arachnid physiology) - but because he had cleverly adopted this clumsy gait to gain sympathy from his watchers. In fact the fearsome battle that Hyper referred to a minute back wasn't really a brave battle - Spidey had actually been engaging in voyeuristic pleasure (outside of the sewer world) when he was caught unaware and a rather larger Tarantula poked him in the eyes with a single tap of his claws.

"For generations, we have suffered at the hands of nature. Today humans have made it worse. Consider the events of the last few days - We started with rain - We lost entire families. We spent hours shivering and dripping, homeless. The sun never came. And then we lost our dear friends, the Ticks, who were stuck in the resultant slush - I will never forgive the human that so sloppily plastered them onto, what do they call it, a statue? And then came the bombs. We were truly shocked out of our shells what with sparks falling on us in buckets.

Are we to be constant sufferers? Are we doomed to live through this for generations? I urge you, dwellers of the sewer, to stand up against this misery, against this exploitation, and make yourself count! Change the way we live our lives, we cannot be held to ransom by nature and humans, wake up!"

At this point Jackie the lizard lapped up Bubbles the cricket who was deeply engrossed in the stirring speeach and was at the point of inspiration.

"Crunch. Crunch."

Stunned silence combined with mild mayhem in the ranks.

"Oops. Sorry guys" said a visibily embarassed though gastrically satisfied Jackie.
- posted by Rallix @ 2:15 AM